One of the first things you have to do when creating an online dating profile on sites like OKCupid and Match is decide upon a user name. They don’t offer you samples of what other people have decided upon, so you are kind of on your own in the creativity department.
I wanted to find something that fit me personality and was quirky enough to be remembered. As I also was in college in the late 1990s, my subconscious may have been influenced by the riot grrrl movement of the time, you know feminism and punk rock.
Name all picked, and redacted for your safety, I headed out into the world ready to find my true love (or at least a date).
I couldn’t wait to see all the other people’s names!
Razorback18990*… ok, he’s an Arkansas football fan, Textme8675309 is desperate, Netflixandchillz doesn’t really want to watch Netflix, Jblaze420z is pot friendly, DorianGraySelfE is probably a jerk, TheBest1zRTaken is definitely polyamorous, SlipryMaceral likes to fish, Thismanisblack is stating the obvious, and Cowsinthesky… I’ve got nothing.
Now there were a handful of what I would deem truly creative names, but most of them are like the above, but then there are the guys who are over compensating: Sexismything, badazuwanme2b, BigThunder1050, Volcanic_Explosions, etc.
Then there are the -tacos, -saurs, and… -thecats. I’m not going to admit which ones I get and which I don’t. I’m just going to say it doesn’t speak for their creativity when I see Jason_Taco, David_Taco, Nelson_Taco, etc. populating the matches and/or activity feeds.
Then there are the sites where you are not allowed to choose a unique name, but your still see names like Flat**, Wiltonlaf, Corperate, Thong (this is probably an ethnic name, and totally inappropriate to make fun of, but the 10-year-old in me is snickering)…
No, I’m not cursing. These are names that people chose to name their kids. With Heck were mom and dad just too scared to swear? Were Hell’s parents into death metal? Were they Satan worshipers? Or did Heck and Hell (obviously twins) change their names on the program that self-populates sites like Tinder and Bumble?
I’m judge-y, and honestly, I think a lot of women are. I probably will ignore people named Hell_Taco, because while I might be lonely, I’m not desperate. Not yet anyway.
Although, talking to a hell taco might be fun…
Anyway, just like the knight guarding the Holy Grail advises Indy in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, “Choose wisely” because a rose wouldn’t smell like a skunk cabbage.
*Yes, I’ve changed them a little to protect the *ahem* innocent.
**No, I didn’t change these.