Hello, I love you. I’m a gold miner in Ghana.

One of the more recent things I’ve been having to deal with in the online dating realm is the bots and scammers. Detecting these cockroaches of the dating world can be hard…

I’m sure there are plenty of, for lack of a better word, stupid people online. People with no understanding of the English language, want to give out way more information than appropriate in a brief exchange, no grasp on current events, and who think that after five messages you are definitely going to be sleeping with them in the near future.

Bots and scammers look a lot like the dumbest of the dumb most of the time.

“How are you huh. I really like ur profile and I’m very interest in u…….I’m jeff by name and I’m single and I came on this site to look for serious relationship with a woman I will love And spend the rest of my life with u can get.”

In fact, I’m pretty sure “Jeff” sent this same message to 100 other women. So how do I know if this is a real person or not?

In addition to bad sentence structure, is their response time really fast? Is there a pattern of question response, but not a lot of detail? You can’t throw out non sequiturs? Are they sending you links to click on? Are they highly attractive? Do they tell you they “love” you in too soon a time period?

And maybe they are fishing just a little bit too much for information or trying to get a little too intimate too fast? That’s a little bit harder to pick up on, as most of us out there are trying to find out about each other… at least enough to know if we meet in person we aren’t going to wind up as someone’s skin suit.

Usually I walk away the first whiff of scammer or bot, but then there was this guy:

Potential suitor (PS): Am a film producer…

Me: What kind of films do you work on?

PS: Movies generally

This guy, who claims he’s 45 but can’t be more than 25, has a profile plagiarizing somebody else’s Buddhist blog and a list of the top 100 things every guy should know, and he was pictured in University of Michigan paraphernalia. However, he seemed clueless about all of that.

Me: I thought I was talking to a bot for a second.

PS: Hehehehe

PS: Dont make me laugh

PS: Am not, am human

 

I’m not buying that, but’s like a train wreck and I can’t look away.

PS: Been looking at your pictures. You look young and beautiful

Ps: Whats the secrete?

Me: whats yours?

PS: God and smiles

Insert barf noises here.

PS: Am single and I hsve not been married before and I have no child yet. I guess am a guy that have given in a lot of dedication to my work and my work has taken a lot of time and opportunity away from me in return.

PS: At this juncture, I wish to right my wrongs by doing the needful by finding a match companion to cherish for the rest of my life

Um. OK.

PS: Am looking for love. Not just love, but I want a wife badly

PS: I wanna get married and I want a cute family as quickly as I can.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh-kaaaaaaaaaaaaay…

PS: Looked at your pictures and I see you have the most beautiful lips in the world. They are red and enticing like a ripe strawberry.

PS: Even your smiles makes me fall to my knees

PS:  …on my knees

PS: Where have you been all these years? In hiding? Playing hide and seek with me, I guess.

PS: But I caught ya now

Yikes!

PS: I see beauty in your face and it radiates. I know now that your face is exactly the look I want replicated in my daughter

PS: You there, baby?

I have no idea what to say. I know I should have been running the other way.

PS: Am confident that I aint gonna lose you

Challenge accepted!!!

Me: I’ve been trying to figure you out

PS: okay. Am about to get to work. Its right about time

PS: Hope to talk to you whenever I get a break.

PS: I love you.

Me: Say what

PS: Said I love you

 

I honestly don’t think any 45-year-old in their right mind would drop the “L” bomb in less than 48 hours.

I don’t know why I couldn’t walk away from this one. It was like I was a bloodhound on the scent of a criminal, so I kept going down the rabbit hole. I had to solve the mystery. Like Neo in the Matrix, I had to take the red pill.

But I’m done with that. No more crazy for me. I’ve found a really nice mining engineer…

New suitor: … I’m mining gold at the moment in Ghana.

 

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