Triangulate My Date

When I re-signed up for Plenty of Fish a few weeks ago, I had a super weird exchange with a guy who seemed to know approximately how far away from him I was. Little did I know that there was a “nearby” button that lets you know who is in your vicinity (I guess this makes booty calls for traveling salespersons easier).

As is often the case, I decided to talk to The Roommate about it.

Me: OK, there’s a certain creepiness factor to Plenty of Fish.

The Roommate (TR): What do you mean?

Me: Well, it lets you know how close someone is to you within a half a mile.

TR: Location location or where they live?

Me: Location location.

TR: [Eyes get big]

Me: [Reassuring] You would never know exactly where they are. Like if you were two miles away, it would tell you when you were one mile, and then half a mile, but it wouldn’t allow you to know exactly where they are.

TR: If we had a few people and some triangulation software we can probably narrow it down a little bit more.

Me: [stares at her]

In addition to the eerie “nearby” button, I’m just not getting any better response from POF than OKC. I’m in these endless cycles of guys asking me what I’m doing, but never asking me out.

Potential Suitor (PS): u working today

Me: [attempting to tame my inner grammar police] Yeah. Trying to clear off my desk today. How about you?

PS: Just waiting on jobs

PS: Are u busy today

Me: Not especially [dropping punctuation in order to appear less pretentious]

PS: Ok what time u get off

Me: 5

PS: Ok

Me: Ok

PS: So wyd* after work

Me: Idk**

PS: [two hours later] wyd

Seriously dude!?!? Ask me out or go away.

 

 

*The first time he wrote this I had no idea that he was asking me “whatcha doing”. I just thought he couldn’t spell. Sue me.

**I can use text speak too. FYI – it’s “I don’t know”.