Oh, Canada!

Scared about the impending doom of a Trumpocracy, this gal signed up for Maple Match the other day.

What’s Maple Match you ask?

Well, it’s a dating site meant to link unhappy U.S. citizens with cheerful Canadians! This isn’t a new concept, when George W. Bush was elected President 16 years ago, many disappointed voters joked about moving to Canada. And maybe some did, but not so as you’d notice. But when Donald Trump won the primary… shit got real. And some guy just decided to capitalize on the concept of fleeing to Canada; the site went live two days before the election.

Despite having honed up my Canadian knowledge just in case there is a culture test to get in to the country*, I’m not leaving just yet.

However, here’s a brief rundown of my experience:

Based on your specifications (like single, cis-males, non-smokers, etc.), the iOS app matches you up with potential Canadians willing to open their arms and welcome you to the land where the Disney Prince-like Trudeau prances around the country cuddling pandas and rescuing hikers.

Since it’s a new app, that means I had about eight matches**. Two were pretty cute, and one even said he had “room for five”.

I filed out the brief surveys you can take to get better results, but nothing in my feed really changed.

I wrote to a few of them, but I didn’t hear back. My guess is that just like myself, most of them see this as a sort of joke. “Sort of” in that we aren’t really serious unless our worst nightmares come true and things start looking like 1938 Europe… Well, all of us save the guy with room for five, he just updated his profile and is auctioning off citizenship for $200K***.



*You know, listening to Bryan Adams, thinking about actor Ryan Reynolds eating at a Tim Hortons, considering watching the Trailer Park Boys, and googling Canadian hip-hop artists… They exist! I actually knew one!

**My guess is that matches, at least for me, meant “single male Canadians”.

***I kind of want to write him a ranting email (but won’t). Doesn’t he know that the people that potentially really might need to seek asylum don’t make that kind of money? Plus, I’m pretty sure that’s illegal, but whatever.


2 thoughts on “Oh, Canada!

  1. Jim says:

    Is there any indication of where in Canada they live? First, are they in a metropolitan area, the wide open spaces, near Alaska? Also, do you know what their interests/occupations are? And, is their first language French (Canadian French)? Just asking!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. holmr says:

    Yes and no.

    Yes, it indicates the city, but not the province. I’ve found the handful that were generated to be sprinkled throughout the country.

    No, most of them haven’t taken the time to fill in the “about me” section. Most of what they write indicates sympathy, but not personal interests.


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