Everyone who has tried online dating, no matter the provider, has had a bad one liner tossed their way*. I would bet that if you have been at it for any length of time, you have had a conversation go incredibly wrong as well. But just in case you’ve never done any of this, the following are some notes I took on mine.
Swollen Identity Suitor (SIS)**: Baby what did you do for a living
Me: You can call me [redacted], and I work in [redacted]. What about you?
SIS: Am marine officer
SIS: Am marine officer
SIS: Did you love my job
Me: Do you?
Libertarian or Liberal (LOL): … what are you looking?
Me: [I decide to be open and honest] The goal is a long term relationship with a fun, open minded individual. Preferably a liberal.
LOL: Liberal? As in smaller government?
Me: No that’s libertarian. Liberal as in LGBTQ friendly, tax evenly, equal pay for women, etc.
LOL: Are you in for a fair tax. Like a flat tax or a consumption tax?
Me: [I really don’t want to get into ethics and economy, but I guess I started it] No. I just don’t think the rich should get tax breaks.
LOL: Do you work [I bet he thinks I’m a “lazy unemployed person who needs to get a job and stop living off the government”]
Needs a Favor (NAF): Hi there. I’m leaving [state redacted] very soon. So really I’m just looking for fun. Would you be interested?
Me: Like going to play dodgeball or are you talking about sex?
NAF: Se. I leave for the navy in November
Me: I’m not much for casual sex. Good luck in the Navy!
NAF: You’d really be doing me a favor. I’m pretty horny. And very discreet. This can be a one-time thing if you want
Me: I’m going to pass.
Picture pals: Hi sexy! Wanna exchange pics?
Way with the Words (WwtW): Clever line in the works…until then how you doing beautiful
Me: clever line in the works?
WwtW: It’s a jike kinda of an icebreaker
FYI – These type of messages is why this is important.
*I’ve committed this crime too. I don’t know why I thought sending an emoji math equation would be a big hit. Oh, wait. Yes I do. I’d just passed the GRE, was feeling witty, and this guy was asking for a blue turtle from Neptune with scurvy.
**SIS may or may not have had his identity stolen. He appears to be a popular blogger who also is a Marine.