DMX Up in Here

Sometimes online dating interactions make me want to yell DMX lyrics at the computer.

Image result for y'all gonna make me lose my mind meme

They make me feel like I’m going crazy on the regular. You might ask why I put up with some of the behavior I do. To you I would answer, well A) sometimes it’s hilarious and B) I’m not actually sure I’d have any interactions if I didn’t.

I’m going to address B first. When I’m sitting home alone (Hah!), and I’m not doing chores or catching up on British sitcoms on Netflix, sometimes I get lonely. So I answer some of the lazy “Hi” and “Hey” messages, I talk to the men who call me “baby” even though it pisses me off**, and I chat with the guys who use text speak and LOL at every transaction.

I shouldn’t be surprised when the following conversation-types*** happen:

Them: “Hi”

Me: “Hi”

[A week passes]

Them: “Hey”

Me: “Hey”

[A day or two passes]

Me: “So… tell me a little bit about yourself?”

[Two weeks pass]

Them: “Hey good looking”

Me: “Hey yourself”

It’s like grasping at straws. My blood feels like it is near boiling. I want to shake them into a conversation.

I’m also not a fan of the conversations that end with them not wanting to jump into dating because their ex really screwed them up, and all they’re really ready for is casual friendships. I’m good with friendships, but when it turns into a friends with benefits offer I again find my temperature rising, less with impatience this time.

However, sometimes the messages I get are so surreal and weird, which brings me to A. It’s like the sender had the “go big or go home” mantra pounded into their skull when they were little, and I want to see just where this random journey is going.

Potential Suitor (PS): Hi how are you doing can I share an idea with you please ?****

Me: What kind of idea?

PS: Please bare with my idea. I want to live life in a different aspect. I want to be transformed into clothing and I want to know what clothing choice would you turn me into out of my choices; pantyhose , leggings, tights, yoga pants, spandex, thigh highs , fishnets, sweat pants or body stockings. I hope you can respond back because I mean well. No this isn’t about cross dressing on what would you prefer me to wear. I want to be turned into your clothing and what choice would you turn me into please out of my choices.

Me: Why only the bottom half of the body? And what is the purpose of this study?

PS: I find those type of clothing to be sexy on woman and also I figure it would kinda be cool to be clothing and also if I used choices on the top you would than have to remove parts of my body to make me fit you know I mean well and want to experience life in a different aspect

Me: What’s wrong with sweaters? Why would you have to remove part of your body to be a sweater?

PS: I am about 6 foot tall and also my body warm to begin with and sweater material will cause me to sweat on you

Me: But as leggings you wouldn’t sweat on me?

PS: Yes I would swear over time but sweaters have that material even more than leggings that keeps you warm And plus my body heat it will be too much and that means you would never wear me at all than

Me: What about socks?

PS: How would socks work if you make me into sock you would have to separate my body to make the socks than I would be a goner

PS: Can I be leggings or yoga Pants please

Me: I’m leaning towards leggings, but I don’t know if you’re a fashion or function article of clothing person.

PS: I want to just be your leggings only ok and function as your leggings and you will set the must I will have to do as your leggings to become your favorite pair because I know I will have to earn it

So I guess I’ll continue to respond to the “Hi” and “Hey” messages in hopes that they either turn into an awesome date, or at least an interesting experience. But not to all of them, that would make me feel like a popular girl.



*Lonely, not desperate.

**Most of the time it’s with a message explaining that I do have a name, and that I don’t like to be called “baby”.

***This is sort of a conglomeration of conversations.

**** I didn’t correct grammar or spelling.


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